The Reluctant Homemaker

16 Jun

I’m at a place right now where I need a project. Our lease is up soon, so I don’t want to get too involved in anything or do anything that will upset the landlord, since she lives kind of in our house. But since I’m already excited about it, the next time I see her I know I’m going to be all “Hey can I rip everything out of the planters in the backyard and replant whatever I want?”

My project is to become domesticated. And re-do the backyard.

The backyard came with a grill! And a hose! And patio furniture umbrellas…well, umbrella. Grill will be tossed, umbrella will be replaced or updated with some fabric paint. Those boards make up the ‘fence’ that separates our yard from the guy who lives in the rest of the backyard. It’s a weird setup. I’d like to cover them or spruce them up somehow.

Broken vacuum/extra hose/bags of cat poop/bicycle box storage. I would like to give the fence a fresh coat of paint and toss the garbage and, when we get a storage container for the yard, stash the secondary hose.

Part of the planters I want to gut and completely start from scratch with. The Dog goes potty here when it’s raining or I am too lazy or tired to take her next door to the church. (It just happens to be a church with a large-ish field perfect for large-ish dogs to poop and terrorize neighborhood cats, okay?)

The other half of the planter, the patio furniture the backyard came with, hose number one, and the grill we bought last weekend. Chairs will also get fabric paint treatment and the table will be covered. Hose can be put away now and grill will be homed somewhere that is not the middle of the yard.

It’s not much, but I’d like to fancy it up and grow a few pretty flowers, some veggies and berries, and throw some kitschy ornaments out there. A tasteful lawn gnome, a flamingo, a tiki torch if I’m feeling crazy.

I’m having visions of garden parties and cookouts. We need to make some friends this summer.

Besides these outdoor projects, I’d like to be more versatile in the kitchen. I want to grow some berries and make jam. I don’t like jam, but I’m sure someone out there does. I want to can vegetables. I WANT TO BAKE SOME BREAD! Or a pie – with my berries! My whole new life revolves around this fucking backyard project. I should probably mention that I’ve never actually gardened or planted things and I get frustrated easily.

Oh! Maybe we could build a small chicken coop and I could have a chicken! Or two chickens! Or do only hens lay the eggs? What’s the difference? I’m not a chicken scientist. But since I make sure Marshall and I, and The Cats AND The Dog all stay alive, I could probably take on a caged up bird. Or a bunny. Or a teacup piglet (free range).

Someone just move me to a farm.

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