Things! (this week)

9 Jul

I have a problem and it’s that I can’t leave Target without buying underwear.

How much mayonnaise does a twopeople family really need? Only one of us uses mayo, and the other one actually eats sandwiches on the regular. There are six bottles in the fridge.

I think it’s gross when families (like mom and dad and kids) touch each other a bunch. Like taking some photos where they’re all hugging in a circle or walking arm in arm down a beach. The “kids” are actually adult grown ups and not strollerbabies. So…it’s gross.

I might have accidentally traded sexual favors to have my laundry done. Never give blowjobs on laundry day. I wonder what I would have had to do to get the laundry folded and not left smooshed in the hampers?

I always go to the same grocery store on my lunch break to buy wine for when Marshall is gone. I’m usually wearing yoga pants (mine) or track pants (his) and I’m always judged by the cashiers. Today I left my license and bank card at home AND I was wearing real pants AND I was going to buy wine but couldn’t. I had to borrow money out of petty cash at work to get the gas I forgot I needed because I was too busy focusing on not being able to buy wine at 2pm.

I bought $100 in gift certificates for the bar where we watch Sharks games. They don’t count toward alcohol, but whatever, it only cost me $8. Well, $13 if we’re counting the extra $50 in gift certificates for I might just use that towards more bar certificates. This whole system is nuts – get in while they’re still having their 80% off deal (until Wednesday!).


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